Poem I JUST Wrote!

Sometimes when I get really emotional, I end up investing it in poetry.Actually, the thoughts here, aren't the ones I'd intended on communicating but I still feel that way.

Isn't it funny how all those things so unintended,

Cane affect us this way, make our lives demented,

No plans were ever made, we didn't ask to be here,

But now my life has changed and I guess I'm choosing you, dear,

No one ever asked me, "is that ok with you?"

But the truth must be some things just aren't thought through,

Some times there isn't a map, a plan or a chart,

Because not even a woman, is less predictable than the heart.

Figured a little bit of humor wouldn't go amiss!

A New Post For The Sake Of A New Post

Exactly that, because a lot has happened and I haven't told the whole wide world (or the maybe one person who actually reads this) all about it..

Couldn't that just be the life story of facebook? It's a bit of an odd concept. Where's the line between egotism, imitating celebrity culture or just being a coping mechanism. I know sometimes it's easier to just put that you feel like crap on a facebook status than it is to tell someone you're struggling.

Update on my life..

Because context is a useful thing when reading something.

So.. University. Wow. Incredible. New. Exciting. PEOPLE! Things to do.. Phwoooar.

Which is why i've made veeeery little progress on my creative writing ventures.

Also, shockingly, I've also recently seen the break down of my relationship. Yes, I found it very hard to cope with at first, especially given the circumstances in which things have happened, but I'm dealing now. After a very emotional few months I think i'm starting to settle which means I'll actually have clear enough thoughts to write again. xD

Either way, my love life has taken an.. interesting turn. I'm saying nothing on here in an attempt to avoid the whole putting my private life online sort of opening statement kind of thing, but there's someone I like. Someone who likes me.

Mmm if people actually read this.. I bet they'd be really guessing right about now.

So some interesting thoughts I've had lately.

Please don't be shocked by that statement. I are quite intelligent sometymes i swair.

What's the price of happiness and how do you know you've found it?

Can you steal something that wasn't truly owned in the first place, or can theft happen on a deeper level?

So, just what actually is love, how do you recognise it, what's the right KIND of love?

I suppose the only real answer there is that, none of them can be answered outright. They're all circumstantial.

The first one I'd sort of been thinking about anyway and then rewatching The Beach for the hundredth time re-put the thought in my head. We all know how happy feels but if you can find happiness why is it that you can also lose it? Say for example, if a relationship doesn't change but you start to lose interest, despite how happy it made you before, was that real happiness? Or maybe that's the point. Happiness is not something that's immortal and is something you can only ever seize in the moment and once that moments gone... well you just have to be happy for the memory. So WHY then, do we pay such enormous prices for happiness? A daughter goes against the families wishes to be with a man they distrust. Well we all know that it won't always be a happy scenario so why is it worth the price of family? That's a pretty hefty price. What about monetary values placed on things? What about sacrifices made?

The second one is very dependent on personal opinion, I think. At school, one thing that used to really annoy me was "you stole so and so"from me. A person can not be stolen, they CHOSE to go. Well, unless school kids have taken to shoving potential friends in sacks and dragging them across the playground.. ok, kids of today, wouldn't put it past them. But then on another level it is like theft. If someone or something holds a particular place or label in your life and they are then removed from that without your permission or consent, it is like a theft has taken place. It's a very strange and tricky one I think. I suppose maybe like beauty, theft too is in the eye of the beholder.

The third one I suppose is unanswerable. It's just, I think about three people in my life that I'm certain I have loved (or do now) and each time it's had a different feel to it. One was the most burning, urgent feeling in the world. Exactly what I'd wanted at the time. I'd even gone so far as to hurt myself over said person and honestly, even today they have a big hold on me, even though I know longer feel like that. The second was a more comfortable feeling. A sense of belonging, fitting and harmony. A deep kind of caring. Blind as I was, in a lot of ways I wondered if it that was it, that was how it was meant to be. The third is.. harder to describe. It's without desperation, it's without serious depth. It's like a quiet happiness that somehow excites me completely. Like being free to laugh, free to be happy and just enjoy oneself. Somehow a strange mix of safety and excitement that, you don't want to lose and miss when it's gone. In my current mind set the third sounds fantastic because it's so not stressful. The other two can be very problematic. That said, three can have it's issues and it's complications. Three isn't without temptation.. but it's not a strong feeling it's a oh holy cow my willpower went just then and I don't care. Three isn't without care. The thought of said person being sad makes me very sad. But I couldn't be happier to think of them smiling.
So how do you define which of those is love? Having experienced them all, I would say they all are. They're all genuine. Perhaps, it's wholly dependent on the person and maybe that's why they're all unique because otherwise the line between a crush and love would be so thin. Not that it isn't tricky now? Would I be asking myself all these questions if it wasn't?

So perhaps that's the moral. Don't ask questions. Just live. Be. Do.

Thought for the week.

Sometimes, it's amazing how quickly the answer will come to you, if you just ask why?

This morning I logged onto my facebook account and saw my friend saying about taking counseling and how it's good in the session but after she goes back to feeling crappy and depressed. My immediate missing-puncutation-response was:

well thats not the objective really is it...
your supposed to use the way you talk about things in counselling when you feel like crap so you can figure out why you feel like that and you learn to make small objectives that you can achieve as part of a bigger plan to sort your life out.

I started thinking about how we used to see what was upsetting me and think about why It was upsetting me and sometimes to get there, you have to think about times you've previously felt like it.

Now, one problem I have is that my lovely boyfriend is so bloody successful in life. He always seems to get everything, particularly in terms of work. He's always getting money in. Naturally, I can't help but feel a bit jealous. Thing is though, sometimes it really does upset me. I'll be all teary and start going down the crapper that is depression. It loops in my head that I'm not needed in the world, that I'm not good enough- I'm incapable of doing these jobs. Honestly, I know this isn't the case and it's just my stupid depression. But after a recent episode of crying (and I still feel a bit teary!) I thought about when I have I felt like this before. 

The answer came in an instant..

It sounds obscure and unrelated, but what a lot of people don't realise is that the past does have a big affect on how we think and feel in the present and our reaction to current events and predicaments. For me, the event when I first remember this feeling was when my Dad broke down into tears the saturday after my mum left. The younger ones were in bed at the time and he just started crying. There was nothing I could do. I was seeing the strongest person in my life crumble and I was too weak, too young, too stupid to make any difference to the pain he was feeling. Obviously it's not like that- I was 8 years old, there was nothing I could do then and if I was 80 there still wouldn't have been a lot. Yet for some reason when Nicks succesful and I'm sat around by myself I go back to that feeling. The feeling that there is nothing I can do in the world and I'm not good enough. 

Knowing this is why I react in that way makes me feel better. I always feel so bad because I know that he doesn't want to do anything to hurt me and it makes him feel awful, but now when he returns we can talk about it and he'll know it's not his fault. I'll also know why I feel like this and whilst it's unbelievably painful to be reminded of such a hard memory, it makes the current situation easier. There was nothing I could do then, it wasn't my fault. It's not my fault now either, half the work he does is technical and it's not my fault there isn't jobs going in my area of expertise. 

I'm sure I'll still feel jealous, that's natural. But now I've gained the first step to controlling this depressive episode if it attacks again, and that is an unbelievably important step.

The Popes Visit To Britain

Unsuprisingly, i felt the need to comment on his visit.

This is mostly due to some of the, frankly scandalous, comments he has made. He likened visiting Britain to visiting a third world country due to the large amounts of Atheism. He also declared that the Roman Catholic church was in danger under threats of dying out from Secular groups and the " atheist extremism" in the country. Now pardon me for daring to question such an important leader, and I except I may even be wrong, but I personally have never known or known of an extreme atheist. I have never been stopped in the street and asked to not commit myself to a religion and follow atheism. I have never had someone knocking on the door asking me to become an atheist. 

Yes, our deputy Prime minister is an atheist, but this is a country that tolerates all religious beliefs and doesn't discriminate. Is the head of the church going so far as to suggest that Clegg shouldn't be allowed the post, or it's wrong that he is in the post, based on his religious beliefs? Maybe in Rome this has a different meaning but I can say for certain, that in England the word for that is Discrimination.

I have never been, and never hope to be, anti-Christian, minorities do spoil it for all. Personally I think it's appalling that the FIGUREHEAD for a religion would be so openly prejudice. If a muslim did it, there would be an outcry, fact. 

On a different note, next chapter of Heaven's State will not happen soon as we don't have a LAN cable and are relying on Nicks phone, we also only have the laptop so both of those things make it hard for me to write it.

I'm also suffering from a Neck injury and have only just gained mobility in my right arm to allow for both handed typing :(

A Moment For Deep Thoughts

Today I'm writing about something ordinary and quite predictable. Can't guess what? Have a look at the date.

11th September 2010.

Nine years on from the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre.

I remember, all those years ago, coming home from school and both of my parents were sat around the telly staring in shock. I looked at the screen and saw a big American building with a whole load of smoke coming out of it. They then explained what had happened and I couldn't believe such a monstrosity was possible. I also remember a few years on, being on a school trip not far outside of London and hearing that there had been bombings in London. I went through the thought process of: "oh my god, will they bomb a huge tourist attraction near London? Seems kinda likely.." Obviously, I was safe but being older I had a much better understanding of things and seeing the front covers of newspapers for days, of a young man helping a lady who's face was covered or it was a half destroyed bus. 

The whole of Western society and had felt affects in some way..
So why? And why am I, who pays a shockingly poor attention to the news, writing about it?

The simple answer to the first question would involve pointing fingers at Al Qaeda. But then this brings us around to the second answer, I had been thinking about the way the Islamic faith is looked at in western society. I thought about a close friend who had been affected by Christian ideals. I thought about the violence that occurred in Ireland between Christians. I thought about History, and how funny it is that it has a habbit of repeating itself.  I thought about people who've said:
"I don't want anything to do with religion, it only causes wars and fighting."

But then I started to remember. Many years ago I was a devout member of the Church of England and it was an amazing feeling to be part of a community, to feel that I was always to be looked after by God. Religion did me a lot of good and kept me going.

It's a shame, that the whole image of a religion can be ruined by minorities isn't it? That's when I knew I would write Heaven's State. 

It's not an attack on religion. It's a criticism of certain people and says IF we allow ourselves as nations and countries to be closed minded this is what could happen. This works both ways, however, you could be a closed minded Christian or you could be someone who goes, "Oh, the Islamic faith caused 9/11, the whole religion must be evil." Topical example that people like this exist; Rev. Terry Jones. 

If I were to say a prayer today, I would pray for a future, where people are tolerant and respectful of others religions. Where people understand that some people think differently and you know what? If they're going to Hell, surely that's your God's decision, not yours. 

Today, I had a moments reflection. I wrote on a piece of paper "Religious Extremism" and set it alight in my garden. As I watched it burn, I spared a thought for the victims, of all  shape and form, of Religious extremism... I hope there is never another 9/11. I hope there is never another Reverend Terry Jones. People stopped burning "Witches" a long time ago, let's not take a step back, let's take a leap to a peaceful future.

Amen.

& We're back in business (Just Don't EAT The Inspiration)

Looks like the next chapter is coming along VERY well.

Sometimes the only way to beat Writers Block is to sit yourself down, in front of the computer (or notepad) with a bowl of inspiration. For me this comes in the form of Yoghurt coated Raisins. But it could be anything, even Noodles! Although it does work better if it's finger food that you can pick at every few sentences. JUST DON'T EAT THE INSPIRATION BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN STARTED!

I'm writing this now, not so much as public advice so much as something that I'll read and think 'urhh fine, i totally don't have the energy but OK i'll do it'

Now the big question facing me is do I carry on whilst I feel inspired and stay up half of the night or do I go to bed and pray I'll find the energy in the morning?

hmm.

Boring General Stuff

I have written anything here in AGES.

Writing:

Well what it doesn't say here is that Chapter 8 went up on Buzzle a while a go. I'd love to do my thing of talking a bit about the writing of it, but honestly I can't remember.

Which brings me to the point of; i haven't sat down and written a lot in a while because I'm so caught up in comings and goings at the moment. That is comings and goings from home, comings and goings of people, comings and goings of well events in general.

It's like when I had my tarot reading yesterday, certain cards didn't surprise me because they're ones you only tend to see when you're moving into a new phase of life and this is a point in my life where i'm riding that glorious wave of destiny. However, my writing won't thank me for it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm feeling very inspired. I could tell you exactly how Heaven's State is going to go from now on. I've had so many experiences this summer and the only real way to write is by going out and living these experiences. It's just, life is so hectic I don't have the time to sit down and write. But I'm saying this here as a fact:

I WILL FINISH HEAVEN'S STATE.

(eventually).

Life:

So as suggested before I'm going through a big phase of my life whereby I'm moving out of my family home to start a new life in a much more beautiful city and to further my education and career chances.

I'm excited.

I'm nervous.

I'm sad.

And a little scared shitless.

But I guess this is all normal things to be feeling. It's going to be great. I am going to face obstacles but it's JUST a matter of facing them head on and overcoming them. I know I can face whatever life flows at me. Sometimes it just requires a little positive thinking.

That said, I'm staring at a book my Grandma just placed in front of me called "Manifest your Desires: 365 Ways to make your dreams a reality." I'm thinking hmm yeah sure, right.
I don't think positive thinking can physically make things happen. It just makes the unexpected easier to bare.

You definitely shouldn't read those books and then expect miracles. 

And that's about it.

I've waffled on about nothing but I felt my blog feels neglected so had to put SOMETHING here.

I feel sorry for you if you're reading this. 

xD

Goodbye.

Behind Chapter 7

So chapter 7 has finally reached Buzzle.

It's been a weird one for me because I wrote Chapter 6 fairly quickly yet because of the break I'd had, I felt like it was some of my better work. I pretty much ran straight into Chapter 7 and got half way through Christians part in the one great big chunk of writing. I mean, it's not unusual for me to write half of Chapter X into half of Chapter Y and I don't think that's entirely a bad thing because I can be more certain it will flow into each other.

However, this time I wrote that big huge chunk and suddenly became stuck. I just couldn't bring myself to write! Then my family crisis happened and well you can imagine the impact that had on my writing. I was spending time either distracting myself or with family. Yesterday was probably the first time I even opened the word document. 

The thing is, I'd been sat around having just finished my book and I was thinking to myself.. "Stacey, that just doesn't make sense. That's a bit of a flaw in the plot. It's too ridiculous, people won't buy it!" Then, like a flash it  hit me. Nearly two weeks after I started writing it.

I guess it just goes to show, there's no point pressuring yourself into writing because if you do it's not necessarily going to be your best stuff. I enjoy writing and without a doubt that makes it easier, but if I'm not in the mood well I'm just not in the mood. That said, seeing positive comments *cough* Esterella *cough* makes me want to write even more and keep to the schedule's I set myself.

I look through Chapter views (which range from about 424-108) and I think to myself, wow, that's a 100 people who want to hear more! What right do I have to let them down?

I can't describe how much it keeps me going I really can't.

Stacey

Delays. A Reason and A Warning.

Apologies

I owe huge apologies to faithful readers of Heaven's State because I said I was going to update frequently again and I didn't.

I do have a reason, there's been a bit of a family crisis. I won't go into details for several reasons but it involves my little sister and something that SHOULD have involved the police and has involved victim support. So that should give an idea of how bad the situation has been and the reason why I've been playing escapist instead of writing. (On the plus side I've just finished reading Divine By Mistake by P.C.Cast. FANTASTIC novel!)

Forewarning

Now comes the forewarning. I'm afraid my uploading will become more schizophrenic until around October time for several reasons.

1.) Next Monday I'm away from home, flying to Majorca (FIRST TIME ABROAD) then return on the following Tuesday (the 17th).

2.) THEN on the 23rd I leave for Ireland until the 2nd of September. Going camping with the boyfriend, his cousin and friend. Going to be AMAZING.

3.) SHOULD be uploading lots for a little while but then on the 14th I move to Chester for university. SCARY STUFF!

So yes as the boards at an airport might say.. expect delays!

I will keep posting here as much as I can. Let people know my plans and HOPEFULLY not be so shoddy with uploading.

Good News!!

Guess who's back, back again, Suteishii's back, tell a friend!

Yes! That's right! I'm back and fully active on Buzzle once more. I've JUST submitted a new chapter. It feels amazing to be writing again.

I guess when I write, all those emotions just become let loose and channeled. I feel a lot freer and honestly, the release that came from writing that first paragraph was immense. I feel like I've just come down from the high that comes from performing. (For me to make that comparison is really saying something!

So you can expect new posts when...?

Well at the moment, I intend to do a few chapters in a short burst to apologize for my absence. However, I really do hope that it will be back to every Friday soon. Although I must warn people, I'd say we're at around the halfway mark now. I don't know if I'll have new stuff going onto buzzle then. As I've said before, the version on Buzzle is almost like the skeleton. I'll be fleshing it up, making it more adult in places too! So I may disappear to finish that off then return with something new! Or I may return straight away and start fleshing out now...

hey this is me we're talking about... who knows?!

(if you do please contact me asap! ;) )

If anyone actually reads this...

then thanks very much for your support!

Updates

The bad news:

Unfortunately, I've been very distracted and haven't had a chance to update Heaven's State in a while. For a while I was unable to work while I had a bad ankle; I'm still awaiting Physiotherapy. I've also not been in a good mind state as I've fallen out with a good long term friend and I understand that he is suffering hugely in his personal life and it's very hard knowing I can not be there for him. I'm doing my best to keep a positive attitude and sometimes knowing he has someone else looking out for him is enough, as long as he has people I can justify my absence to myself.

Sadly..

...this has had a very negative affect on my mental health. I am someone who suffers depression so things like this can have a very odd affect on me and in this instance the affect has been to completely drain me of inspiration and energy to write. I will be writing as soon as I feel better and honestly I feel hugely bad when I logged onto Buzzle for the first time in ages and saw the nicest, most inspirational comment ever:

"Still phenomenal! One of the best stories I have EVER read! Post Chapter 6 SOON!"

To Estrella who posted this- I will do my best to get chapters up very very very very soon. Thank you so much for your support.

For now

For now I'm going to relax a little. Do my best to restore a good mood and the truth is my life isn't that bad and I have a wonderful boyfriend who I can count on to help.

Thank you very much for everything.

Two New Chapters & Illustrations

New Chapters

Basically, this week I have uploaded two new chapters to Buzzle. What happened was I wrote what has now become Chapter 5 and I realised that the story had rushed onto quickly and it had lost a lot of it's pace. Therefore I've put in a new chapter to hopefully explain the way events are building and I'm hoping to help make future chapters more emotional.

I'll let you know how well they do later in the week.

Illustrations 

I'm incredibly lucky that my friend read Heavens State, loved it and happens to be a VERY talented artist. She's kindly doing some illustrations of the characters for me and has uploaded her picture of Christian to Deviant Art here:

http://eskimobasse.deviantart.com/#/d2szimx

Keep coming back here for more of her fantastic work as she is really a very talented artist.

Having someone drawing my characters has been a really good experience, it helps give me an even clearer image and I've learnt so much about Christian as a character through doing it. For example we were discussing colour of the shirt he was wearing and I found myself discovering what Christian would like, almost as if he was there in my head giving me fashion advice!

Ok, I'll go see the nice men in the white coats now...

Popularity

My work on Buzzle seems to be becoming increasingly popular which is absolutely fabulous, It's an absolute confidence boost seeing people continuing to read my work. So thank you to everyone who keeps me inspired.

That's all for now,

Thank You for my support and keeping checking here and Buzzle for updates!

x

Writing, Writing, Blah Blah

Chapter 3 Success:

I have to admit, I began to feel a bit disheartened after putting up Chapter 2. After days I'd only had about 50-60 views and I thought to myself, well success was nice while it lasted.

HOWEVER, Guess who's made a comeback?

ME! Chapter 2 went up to 88 views which is great although oddly Chapter 3 appears to be even more successful?! (I hope people are following the storyline although not complaining!) Chapter 3 has been up since Friday and I've had 123 views which is fabulous. I've still lost numbers from Chapter 1 which was 186 but it's only to be expected. Just to have at least 88 people who have dedicatedly followed the story, even with my making people wait is amazing. :)

Carrying on with the success theme, I had a poll at the end of Chapter 3 asking whether people still felt gripped by the story or whether they'd lost interest. WELL, 44 people voted including my boyfriend. He ticked the losing interest slightly box (grrr ! :P) BUT EVERYONE ELSE voted they were as gripped as they were at the beginning! So nice to hear it!

Chapter 4

Chapter 4 will be good. I've nearly finished writing it, ahead of schedule because it's the chapter where... well let's just say stuff happens shall we! I've had it in my head for a long time and it getting onto paper is a relief. The only issue I'm having is it's a bit small? So yeah, I'll spend the next few days til the deadline editing and tearing my hair out!

That's about it!

Huge thank you to the loyal fans. I'll keep blogspot posted, although i'm sure no one reads it. 

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 of Heaven's State has just gone up and I'm really very happy with it.

It contains an emotional scene dealing with the theme of homosexuality and I'm really quite proud of it. I've not written a scene quite like this before and I'm really hoping it's accurate. I'm quite shocked at myself as the latter part of the chapter I've written at 2am after a major suprise but then oddly enough most of my best work seems to happen at silly o clock.

It's like the concept that all the best ideas seem to happen in the bathroom. Hmm.

This writer's theory? I guess your just relaxed and this helps for scenes to just naturally flow out of your fingers. Woohey!

That's all, yet another short post but no one reads this crap anyway, I'm just trying to get into a good habbit.

Writing Updates

Heaven's State

Chapter 2 is now online. I reckon the whole thing will end up at 10-15 Chapters although this last Chapter hasn't done too well in terms of views. Unsure as to why but will keep going with it for now. I know where the story is going with this and I think if people give it a chance they will find themselves more interested perhaps?

Truth be told, I never expected to keep going with Heaven's State, particularly as I started it in first person which isn't something I normally do. However, it proved popular so I went for it.

Rose of Eden

This is on a temporary hiatus, I feel that people aren't as interested in this one so I'm concentrating on Heaven's State. However, I will do what I can to get back to it, depending.

That's about it on the writing front!

What's-a-happenin'

Wow this has to by my quickest ever update, but that brings me around to my first news:

I have finished college!!!

This means more time for all those things I SAY I'm gonna do but never get around to doing; such as updating here regularly and posting regularly to Buzzle.

Which means.. TA-DA-DA.. more stories!

Writing Update:

So whilst I intend to update both Rose of Eden and Heaven's State as regularly as I can, my focus has now shifted to Heaven's State which I currently feel more inspiration towards. Good thing I'm not a real author eh?

Also, the next parts are pending but will be up very shortly so do check my Buzzle for the latest. HOPEFULLY i'll be updating weekly now, that's the intention and now that I've lost an excuse I'll have to do it to save face!

Reliving My Childhood:

One of the stranger things about getting closer to University, is that Ive found myself accidentally going over childhood things. Take for example last weekend: Friday I went for a walk with the boyfriend, stopping at places I haven't been too for some good many years. That night we ended up watching an episode of X-Men, yeah as in the (totally retro) cartoon series! Very wierd as it was my favorite when I was in Junior School. Then the next day I suggested the boyfriend's family and myself pay a visit to Frensham ponds. It's about a 40 minute drive away but a lovely lovely lovely location. It's pretty much an inland beach, but with a giant pond (perfectly clean) instead of the sea. This is somewhere else I hadn't been for around 7 years. 

It's strange isn't it? How moving on can force you to face the past?

That's all for now

I really can't think what else I could say. Watch this space for more updates on my writing!

May Madness

Buzzle Details

May Madness

So May has come at last and with it a New-Old passion for..creative writing?! Read on for more!

What's New?

Well.. My University stuff is nearly entirely sorted, my passport stuff is nearly sorted, my College course has 1 lot of performances left and a small amount of work then that's finished.
Yeah, A lot of things are nearly done.

What's Old? 

It's a bit strange, with the completion of the many recent things in my life, old hobbies seem to have resurfaced.

I made my first Music Video for the first time in quite a while! It was nice. I like having sessions where I'm really heavily focused and I get so much done in that session then am lazy for ages. Guess it's why that kind of thing suits me?! So yeah, basically I had a concept in my head and just did, no planning like everything else in my life. You can check my videos out at:
http://www.youtube.com/user/SuteishiiRoseOfEden

I've also started doing a lot of creative writing again! I've had two concepts in my head for a while for short (ish) fiction and I've started dabbling with them a bit and have published the prologues for both on Buzzle! One of which I included a poll about whether people like it or not and got a GREAT result, only 2% of voters weren't interested and only 6% said they would have to see more before they decided they'd like it. Which means a GRAND TOTAL OF 92% said they liked it! An absolute confidence boost I can tell you!! 

Check it all out here: http://www.buzzle.com/authors.asp?author=49391

Hopefully I'll keep a log of what's going on with my writing here as well. Currently I'm editing Chapter 2 and getting ideas down for Chapter 3. I've been having a lot of fun with Chapter 2 as I've put an interesting but fun character into it that shall hopefully provide a comic edge, something I rarely attempt as I don't think people tend to find me that funny! However, I think this one could work!

Well that's all folks, next time I write I'll hopefully have further updates on my writing and may have a bit to say about my final college performance!

Oh and.. Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th Be With You All!

7 Months On And...

Right 7 months since I last even thought about posting. Whats changed?

Well on the surface not a lot.. I'm still faced with choices and decisions and teenaged pressures but to be honest what 18 year old (OK yes that's a change I am now 18!!) doesn't face all that?

The Uni Front:
My update on what's happened so far with University Choices:

Aberystywth : Offered me a place :)

Kent: Did an Interview and Offered me a place :)

Central School Of Speech and Drama: Offered me an audition but I decided to turn it down, too expensive and I didn't feel it was right for me.

De Montfort: Offered me a place YAY but then I recieved a letter saying they'd cancelled my course :'(

Chester: Offered me a place and now it's my first choice.

It's a wierd situation this. It's like being offered a mint choc chip ice cream and you say yeah sure and then instead you get given a choc and nut ice cream.  It may even taste a helluva lot better but it's still not what you were expecting. I'm going to the open day this month and will hopefully find out if the choc and nut ice cream IS any good. Fingers Crossed eh.

A Summery Kind Of Good News

Some good news after the teenage melodrama is that I am going on TWO holidays this year :D

1.) Majorca with the bf and his family. I HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN ABROAD. so this is pretty exciting stuff!

2) Camping trip to Ireland with me, the bf, his cousin, and the bfs friend. Yes. Four teenagers over 18, alone in a tent in Ireland. THAT is gonna be something.

Of course the only issue with this is it's gonna be expensive  and I'm a student, yeah I'm panicking a little.

Coursework

Oh.My.God. Could I possibly have any more work to do??

This is the full list of WRITTEN (I still have performance stuff) to do before the 11th June:

-Finish Handwritten Log Book ( around 10 pages)
-Create a leaflet and portfolio with all sorts to do with the Performance Industry
-Re-write a third of an essay
- Re-write pretty much half of a log book
-Will probably have a whole Log Book for the last performance. (Put it this way my last log book was 10,000 words)

So based on that figure about: about 24,000 typed words. Ouch. Plus various other internal things like presentations and stuff.

And of course I have half a script to learn.

So not much. Plus I'm sure I've forgotten something.

General Stuff To Do:

Plus i have all this other general stuff to do like tidying my room, finishing student finance application and UCAS application (I'm putting Chester down til I know) and sorting out my passport application. Also book my third Cancer vaccine thing but I think I'm already late so meh. It's an absolute nightmare.

But Let's Be Positive..

I have succesfully done this with my Easter: Applied for EHIC, finished that 10,000 word log book AND Sprained my Ankle?!

siiiiiiiighhh.

That's Enough Of My Ramblings..

So yeah, that's about it. Stress, Stress and more Stress. Oh yeah and I need a job. Oh dear.. whatever will we do with me.

Ciao.

x